Should Parents get on Facebook… I Say Yes

Facebook is now a big part of society.  It has been around for a few years now and has changed the way we interact with friends and keep connected.  It is also a big way for our kids to connect and share with their friends.  So the question comes up, should parents get on Facebook?  My answer is most defiantly yes, for several reasons… none of which are to spy on your kids.

First of all, some of the rules, Facebook is set up for users 13 and older.  You should make sure your kids are not on Facebook until they are 13.  Also under the Facebook Privacy Policy they recommend that minors (13-18) get permission before they send any information to anyone over the Internet.

From it’s terms of use:

Registration and Account Security

Facebook users provide their real names and information, and we need your help to keep it that way. Here are some commitments you make to us relating to registering and maintaining the security of your account:

1. You will not provide any false personal information on Facebook, or create an account for anyone other than yourself without permission.
2. You will not use Facebook if you are under 13.

From it’s privacy policy:

Children Under Age 13

Facebook does not knowingly collect or solicit personal information from anyone under the age of 13 or knowingly allow such persons to register. If you are under 13, please do not attempt to register for Facebook or send any information about yourself to us, including your name, address, telephone number, or email address. No one under age 13 may provide any personal information to or on Facebook. In the event that we learn that we have collected personal information from a child under age 13 without verification of parental consent, we will delete that information as quickly as possible. If you believe that we might have any information from or about a child under 13, please contact us through the form on our privacy help page.

Children Between the Ages of 13 and 18

We recommend that minors 13 years of age or older ask their parents for permission before sending any information about themselves to anyone over the Internet.

With that aside we can get into the fun.

Reason 1: Facebook and social media as a whole is about connecting with people.  With those you know and those you have not met yet.  It is a way to get to know your friends and family better along with a way to get to know new people who, perhaps share a common interest or experience.  With Facebook as a parent we have the opportunity in basking in all the social media fun, connecting with past friends and family.  Meeting new friends and sharing in common experiences.  It does not have to be just about being a parent… In fact I think the best way for you and your kids to be comfortable with your use of Facebook is for you to primarily use it for this reason – just to socially interact on line with your friends, old and new.

Reason 2: As a kid I was always curious about my parents and what they were like, who they know and what they did when they were my age.  As parents use Facebook more and more they open up a window for their kids to better understand them and where they come from.  There is a lot they Can learn about you by how you interact with your friends on Facebook – it gives your kids a new window into your life they would not have had otherwise.  Also, if you are a parent with older children who are at collage, or on their own, it gives your kids a place to go to see what is going on at home and in your life.  I personally love that my parents are on Facebook and have yet to catch up to my mom in the number of friends she has.

Reason 3: Just as our kids have a chance to connect with us we have the chance to connect with them more through their Facebook profiles.  Now I know the question is coming up, “What if your kids will not accept you as a friend on Facebook?”  I would not push it – it really depends though on your relationship with your kids.  The reason they may not want you as a friend may be that they are more afraid of being embarrassed by you then being spy-ed on.  In an article on Facebook and parenting on the Facebook blog by Kathy H. Chan where she interviewed BJ Fogg and Linda Fogg Phillips about Facebook for Parents, Kathy asked them about just this subject – I liked the answers they gave:

We’ve heard that some kids are uncomfortable “friending” their parents on the site.
Linda: I am friends with each of my children. The reaction was mixed. I found that it depended on the age and maturity level of my child and to some degree, the relationship I have with that particular child. I will admit that one of my daughters got mad at me and blocked me for a period of time, but then we worked out our differences and she added me back as a friend.

Are you friends with your kids’ friends, as well?
Linda: Yes, quite a few of them. It really helps bridge the gap as far as communication and for me to be comfortable with their friends, too. I don’t request them, they request me. I’m not going to intrude on their lives.

Any other ground rules?
Linda: Depends on the child. That’s also what we talked about with the parents in our class. If your child doesn’t want to “friend” you, don’t worry about it. We found that the No. 1 reason most kids don’t want their parents to be their friend on Facebook is that they’re afraid their parents will embarrass them — more so than being exposed and letting parents know what they’re doing.

BJ: In some cases, that means, “Don’t ever post on my wall,” and in almost all cases, it means, “Don’t post baby photos of me naked in the tub and tag me.” The more the parents in our class learned about Facebook, the more their kids seemed to relax.

Linda: I try to respect my kids’ space, but at the same time, I try to be a responsible parent who is involved in their lives. In turn, they actually enjoy interacting with me on Facebook.

Reason 4: This reason applies to everyone – social media is a part of our society.  I am still surprised at some of my friends who are afraid of being on line and do not have a facebook account.  I use Facebook as my rolodex – the method I find and connect with my friends.  If you are not on yet, it is time, not just as a parent; people are looking for you to organize the next high school reunion, to find out what’s up in your life, or to find out where you are.

In short, Facebook is where your kids are going to be and where your should also.  As you use it to connect with your friends your relationship with your kids will also reap the benefits.  So get on line and sigh up if you have not already.

Nester Dad out…

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